confession to my dear friend

I'm sorry you were raped
and I mean what I am writing
But I know I will never say this
to your blank face.

It's gotten a lot colder this month
cold enough to snow
But the pure white blanket
doesn't seem to fall over us.

Our usual joy seems ever present
but none of us mean the smiles we wear
we are all too afraid to frown with you
and I know I'll ignore anything now.

We pleasure seekers roaming the halls
allowed a moment of others freedom
Do whatever the villagers decide is fun
we aren't really hiding big fears, I think.

Filled up with intoxicating boredom
you need to grab the dark monster
You need to say you were hurt
I don't want him to win this match.

I feel so tall with you
We were equal fighters against the odds
against each other and ourselves
I can shadow immense over you now.

For me to say I understand
a foreigner in a native land
navigating fields never crossed over
I am amazed where the pot holes lie.

When that unexpected whatever
forces your streaming tears
and you struggle to swim the flood
I can't find the life preserver.

I wanted to mention
how wrong this all is
I see us two children playing with dolls
and I want to be the cop and catch the robber.

I hope to see a returning breeze
laughter at the beach as the tide rolls back
but it carries away something we lost
and don't really realize just yet.

My large figure wants to hover above
and be the guardian like on some cloud
just enough for you to know we're all here
and maybe you'll go on.

December, 1991